How To Tame Your Renji
by Baxter54132
Summary: Part of the "How To.." series. for all those Renji homeowners, after you read this you will never have obedience problems ever again! One-shot IchiRuki


This is a sequel to "How To Train Your Ichigo," and, "How To Train Your Rukia." The pairing is IchiRuki, and RenjiRuki friendship. This is just for fun :)

Disclaimer: Bleach will never be mine… it makes me so sad! I really do want to own it, so Ichigo and Rukia could get together for real. It wasn't for sale, I even checked eBay!

Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki

Introduction:

If you are reading this, it means that you are on the lucky people in the world who posses a Renji. Good for you! There is also a high chance that you possess an Ichigo, who you may or may not be in a relationship with. (If this is the case, make sure to purchase, "How To Train Your Ichigo") First, let's make sure that you actually have a Renji.

Chapter 1: Identifying Your Renji

There are a few physical traits that your Renji should possess and they are easy to check for. First, your Renji is a redhead and when I say red, I don't mean orange, I mean red. Orange is more commonly referred to as a carrot-top. Your Renji's hair should be on the longer side, and he will usually pull it back with a ponytail. The second trait of your Renji is his crazy tattoos. These reside all over his forehead, and he is very proud of them. If you ask him about the tattoos, he will make a smart-ass comment about how they make him look cooler and also ask if you want a closer look. Another trait of your Renji is the fact that when he is not on official business, your Renji will wear colorful robes with girly patterns on them. Scientists are still unsure as to why your Renji will do this, but believe me, they are on the case. Finally, your Renji will always wear flip flops. If you glance over at your Renji right now, and he isn't wearing flip flops, then guess what? He isn't a Renji. Let's move into characteristics that your Renji should have. Your Renji should behave as if he is the best thing that has ever happened to you (which we all know isn't true), he acts tough even when he's weak. He cries like a baby when he loses. He constantly jokes about your height, and he is probably in love with you. If you didn't already know this, then I'm sorry for spoiling it for you, but it's time to know. Turning down your Renji to be with your Ichigo will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. If you have already done this, then happier times are ahead! Now that you have identified your Renji, let's move into chapter 2.

Chapter 2: How to Win Any Argument With Your Renji

If your Renji is truly a Renji, then deep deep down, he is actually a wimp. With three easy steps, you can guarantee victory in any argument.

Keep your voice low, if your Renji has raised his voice, he will feel bad for yelling, which will give you the advantage.

State why you are right and he is wrong in very clear, concise, and small words. You may have to repeat yourself if your Renji doesn't understand the first time. It may take any where from 1-20 times to get the message across. Don't give up.

If all else fails, kick him in the shin; it will cause him to squeal like a little girl, eliminating his manly pride, forcing him to give in to your logic. If you don't believe me, try it out for yourself!

Those three steps will guarantee you victory over your Renji. One last tactic you can try is to sic your Ichigo onto your Renji. Your Ichigo should be pretty wiling to face off with Your Renji for you. Just tell him that your Renji threatened you and make a sad face, and you will be all set. Your Ichigo is probably a sucker if he is like mine. If your Ichigo and Renji get into a fight, and start fighting too much, simply tell them to fight to the death for you. In the end, only one will be left, and your problems will be solved. Now that you are victorious over your Renji, it is time to make our way into chapter 3.

Chapter 3: How to Tell Your Renji No

I'm not sure how helpful this chapter will actually be. If your Renji is anything like my Renji, then he doesn't ask for a lot. He whines a lot about pointless things, but will never actually directly ask you for help. He may ask everyone around you, but not you, since he doesn't want to get hurt. If you approach him about why he didn't ask you to go on that one dangerous mission where he almost got killed, he'll make up a bs excuse about how he didn't think of you until it was too late or it was simply too challenging for your skill level. If Renji ever does ask you for something, it's small and meaningless. All you need to do is look him square in the eyes and say "No." It is quite easy. Try saying it now. "N-o." Then put it together to spell no. Since your Renji probably gives up easily, he will not try and get you to do the same thing again, unlike some other people you may know…

Chapter 4: How To Get Your Renji to do What You Want

Now, you and your Renji have your disagreements, but there is a for sure way to always have him putty in your hands. Here's what you have to do. Take your Sode No Shirayuki and have a little chat with it, tell it everything you know about your Renji, then the next time you see your Renji, bring out Sode No Shirayuki to say hello to his Zabimaru. Tell your Renji that if he doesn't do anything and everything that you say, you will let Sode No Shirayuki tell Zabimaru about all of your Renji's embarrassing moments. Your Renji should agree, if he doesn't, tell him you are going to talk to your Ichigo next. Your Renji will do anything to keep his private info away from your Ichigo. If your Renji still refuses to do what you want, go to his captain and maybe your own brother, Byakuya. If you pout and whine about how "Abarai-kun" never listens to you, Byakuya will feel bad since he is actually a softie on the inside. In about a day, your Renji will be by your side, treating your every whim. Now that your Renji does what you want him to do, time to move into chapter 5.

Chapter 5: How to Stop Your Renji From Following You on Every Date That You Will Ever Go On.

If you take this precaution now, you won't have to deal with your Renji's stupidity later on when he mysteriously always shows up at the same movie theatre that you are at with your date. (Most likely your Ichigo) He will then try to pick a fight, before whipping out his zanpakto Zabimaru and attempting to kill the other boy. You have two options. The less preferable option would be to not tell your Renji where you are going, and hide the fact that you are on a date from him all together. If he doesn't know, then he most likely won't be there. The second and more preferable way is to lie to your Renji. If you are going to the movies, tell him you are going to the park. That way, he is never in the same place as you are. This is a for sure way to keep your Renji away from all of your dates.

Chapter 6: How to Get Some Alone Time Away From Your Renji

It is a known fact that everyone needs time off from each other every once in a while. The answer to getting your Renji to back off is finding him a girlfriend. Everyone knows that he needs one, and it is your job to pair him up. You have a few options; strangely, each Renji could be compatible with a multiple of people. There is your Tatsuki, Momo, Rangiku, or anyone really, except for yourself of course (you have your Ichigo). If you can get him with another person, your schedule will clear up immensely, this is guaranteed to work!

Conclusion

You and your Renji should now be the best of friends. He listens and obeys every one of your commands, and you spend time together, but aren't overbearing. You two are the epiphany of friendship. If this isn't the case, then maybe you need to buy a second copy of this book? I know that everyone who bought two copies of, "How to Train Your Ichigo," found the second copy much more helpful than the first copy. It must be the same way for this book. I hope you enjoyed!

Rukia Kuchki signing out.

Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki Ichi Ruki

I hope you all liked it!

Again, this is a sequel to "How to Train Your Ichigo," and "How to Train Your Rukia," both of which can be accessed on my profile page.

Here is the link for the community if you'd rather not file through my profile page but want to read the other part of the series.

www. fanfiction community /How_To_ Series_Collection /75354/

Just take out the spaces.

Please review, I would love to hear your opinions!


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